A Tomek powiedział… odcinek 2

A Tomek powiedział… odcinek 2

A Tomek powiedział:
– Tak, to MOJA wina, że TWOJA spódnica jest na Ciebie za mała. Biorę również na siebie tę winę, że TWOJE ubrania są na Ciebie za duże, za małe, nie podobają Ci się, Twoim zdaniem źle w nich wyglądasz.
Uff… co za ulga, bo już myślałam, że znów przytyłam 🙂 Jakie to szczęście mieć tak cudownego męża, który bierze na siebie żonine błędy modowe i żywieniowe. Jak się nad tym głębiej zastanowię, to tak naprawdę Tomuś nie ma innego wyjścia. A dlaczego? To proste. W przeciwnym wypadku czekałoby na niego magiczne zjawisko o nazwie: FOCH.

Sytuacja wygląda następująco:
1. Idę się ubrać.
2. Wyciągam z szafy wspomnianą spódnicę, która okazuje się być na mnie, delikatnie mówiąc, przymała. (Jaka jest tego przyczyna? Hmm… pomyślmy: wakacje, jedzonko, pyffko. Wróć! ZA DUŻO jedzonka!)
3. Łapię doła.
4. Idę się pożalić mężowi: „Jestem brzydka, jestem gruba, do niczego się nie nadaję, jestem gruuuba! Bla.. bla… bla…” (tu każdy z Was może dopisać coś, co zna z autopsji).
5. Tomuś stara się mnie pocieszyć: „Kochanie, jesteś śliczna, mądra, inteligentna itd.”, same komplementy.
6. Ja: „Jestem beznadziejna, beze mnie byłoby Ci lepiej…” (tu następuje eskalacja doła).
7. Tomuś: patrz punkt 5.
8. Ja: patrz punkt 6.
9. Tomuś: patrz punkt 5.
10. Ja: patrz punkt 6.
I tak w kółko. Zwariować można, prawda?

Dlatego też po osiemnastu (O BOŻE!!!) latach małżeństwa, a właściwie po osiemnastu (O MATKO!!!) latach doświadczeń na żywym organizmie (czyli na mnie, ale chciałam dodać, że nie stała mi się żadna trwała krzywda, chyba nie) mój szanowny małżonek przyjął biblijną strategię: MOJA (tzn. jego) WINA. I życie od razu stało się prostsze. Nastały jaśniejsze dni, słońce zaczęło świecić piękniejszym blaskiem, w domu zagościł spokój i harmonia. Idylla wręcz. (Do czasu aż któryś z domowników zostawi brudne naczynia i nie schowa ich do zmywarki, wtedy wychodzi ze mnie Ten, którego imienia nie wolno wymawiać).


Jest to tylko jedna odsłona wspomnianego wyżej zjawiska o nazwie FOCH. My, kobiety (ale faceci też!!!), zostałyśmy obdarzone boską, magiczną wręcz mocą skręcania awantury z niczego i obarczania winą Bogu ducha winnego (w większości przypadków) męża. Potem następuje KARA, czyli FOCH. Z ciekawości zajrzałam do Wikipedii, żeby sprawdzić definicję słowa foch. Dowiedziałam się, co następuje:
• „Foch” – francuski krążownik typu Suffren zwodowany w 1926 roku,
• „Foch” – francuski lotniskowiec typu Clemenceau zwodowany w 1960 roku,
• AMX-50 Foch – francuski prototypowy niszczyciel czołgów z okresu po II wojnie światowej.

O matko i córko! Józefie święty!!! To o mnie! Same militarne określenia: krążownik,
lotniskowiec, niszczyciel. Trafione w samo sedno! Najpierw (szukając przyczyny
skręcenia awanturki) okrążam mojego ślubnego, potem (jak już znajdę powód) z moich
ust jak z lotniskowca wylatują oskarżające słowa. Następnie przystępuję do
zniszczenia wiadomego przeciwnika. Na koniec padają magiczne słowa:
– Tak, to moja wina.
I znów wychodzi słonko!

Anna Sekielska



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